R.E.S.P.E.C.T please

Frustrated. That’s the first word I can think of right now. I’ve never met a person so self-centred in this lifetime. I wonder what I’d owe him in my past life that he had to come and make my life so miserable.

He is a person who is made of profanities. Every sentence which comes out from him would never be spared from profanity. Be it in English, Hokkien, Cantonese, Malay or even Tamil… he’s got ‘em all in his vocabulary. It is not like I have never used them but he has gone way too far. I seriously think that he should start to learn to cut down on all the ‘flowery’ vocabulary he had been using all these years. Besides, he’s not 15 anymore. He’s already 20 years of age yet he still hasn’t learned what can and cannot be said.

Profanity is not the only issue that I have against him. Having to live with him for almost 20 years I have tried my very best to be the best I could be to him. We were never really close during our younger days yet as we grew I’d tried to make things better but to no avail. Frankly, I was very happy and excited when he come up to me and talks about things that are going on in his life now after so long but there are so many things that are missing.

When he is in need of favours, he’ll have the nicest talk. But he tends to want things his ways. I accept that it is his character but being a six footer, with good looks and well build, I think he needs to learn what the word RESPECT means.

The reason I said he needed to learn to respect is because he really doesn’t respects anyone. Maybe in front of his elders he is but not with me. And when the elders are not around he can curse and swear at them saying that whatever their ideas or thoughts are well rubbish and his is right. I’ve heard him say it all, but I had to bottle everything up and keep mum as I don’t want to hurt both my parents. And I feel the pain of him being so disrespectful. Recently, he’d made a public remark about me. I was furious as he’d never made such remarks. Well at least not in public. I told him off and eventually forgave him before he had apologized. Oh boy I was so wrong. He did it again. Today.

He was making so much noise in the house about his Porche cap. Demanding his 2 younger brothers to look for him he kept throwing profanities at them while making sure that they find his cap. Of course those 2 younger wants would throw back profanities at him but it seems like it’s their common way of communication. I was pissed off with all the noise he was making and suggested since his cap could not be found then forget it. He gave me a reason that his hair does not look good. I told him to get a hair cut and he replied by saying that there is no one to drive him to the hairstylist shop. I was already burning up and told him to take a bus. He walked out of the room and shout ‘tiu you la’ ( which means f**k you in Cantonese) .

That was it. I really cannot take it anymore. As long as he has no respect for me or anyone for that matter I’ll have to go against his requests. I may have to go against my own parents if I have no choice. And I strongly think the saying ‘blood is thicker than water’ should be replaced with ‘blood is thicker than water but THERE IS ALWAYS A LIMIT’. Despite the fact that I had forgive and forget everything that he’d done, this time I do not think I’m in a forgiving mood. I have had enough…. Instead of having a war of words with him I rather stay silent and go on with my own life...Yet, I foresee that I will go crazy soon as my pressure cooker is already up to it's limit...... Haihzz.....

Like only a woman can

Just love this song by ex-Westlife member, Brian McFadden.




Like Only a Woman Can

I wasn't perfect
I've done a lot of stupid things
I'm still no angel
I wasn't looking for forgiveness
Wasn't laid out by my pride
Shocked by her attention

And someone signed me up for love
I didn't want it
And now I can't live without it
She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can


She's kind of perfect
She's kind of everything I'm not
Yeah, she's an angel
And it's amazing how she's patient
Even more at times I'm not
She's my conscience

And who decided I'd be hers
I wanna hate them
Cos now I can't live without her

She changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can


Like only a woman can
And who decided I'd be hers
I wanna hate them
Cos now I can't live without her


Oh, and she changed my life
She cleaned me up
She found my heart
Like only a woman can
She pulls me up
When she knows I'm sad
She knows her man
Like only a woman can


Like only a woman can
Like only a woman can
Like only a woman can

Jacks, Kings, Aces and Jokers : What will the final card be?

She picked a card.

51 one cards left in the deck. The dealer distributes the cards. When the first card was opened it is Jack of Clubs. She took the card. Being a naïve and young, freshly out of high school she didn’t give much thought about anything else apart from what she wanted to experience. The Jack of Clubs was taking things pretty fast and she just couldn’t catch up. Then, she decided to drop that card after a couple of weeks. Jack of Clubs isn’t the jack of all trades. And so she moved on….

Then the dealer decides to give her three (3) cards. Jack of Spades, Jack of Hearts and Jack of Diamonds. Three cards at the same time. Life got interesting from there. However, knowing what the Jack of Spades is made of, she turns down the card. Jack Spades was torn. Not for long though. Then it was the Jack of Hearts. Being much much older than she was, he probably had much more experience when it comes to picking up girls. Yet, she had her own preferences. Jack Hearts was not the right card.

Jack of Diamonds makes his move next. With both studying in the same institution, they meet everyday. What more in the same class. And constant teasing of friends made Jack Diamonds wanted her more. She being easily influenced didn’t think much. Soon she was with Jack Diamonds. Never be fooled by the name. Jack Diamonds is not all sparkly and polished. The real Jack Diamonds soon revealed himself as she got to know him more. Day and night without fail, her phone would ring. Sometimes every hour. Initially it was okay. But as time passes by, she was feeling trapped. When she is not around to answer the phone, it’ll continue to ring starting with 1 missed call to 3. Eventually the numbers grow to 10 and 20 and 30.

Then the deciding factor came in. Her friends were talking about going to have some fun in the club. Jack Diamonds was there when the conversation took place. Right after everyone left, he started his ‘lecture’. Questioning if she really is joining her friends. She didn’t think it was wrong. That night Jack Diamonds gave made the longest telephone call. Not knowing what was coming she answered the call. There and then he started questioning again not leaving out his lecture as well. She was frustrated with Jack Diamonds. Putting the phone away from her ear once in a while so that her ears won’t burn. After about a couple of hours the lecture stops.

That night, she decided that it is enough. Took her a few weeks to gain the courage and to finally stand up and said ENOUGH. Two nights before, she couldn’t sleep. Then the day came. She’d been avoiding his calls for the whole day. Then finally she answered. He asked what happened. She said nothing but there’s something she wanted to tell him yet don’t know how. Jack Diamonds asked if she wanted to let go of the card she is holding now. She said yes. He was surprised. He asked what his mistake was. She said none. Then what made her changed her mind ? Being the IceQueen, she told him there wasn’t any feeling involved in this game. Her answers were as cold as ice. He asked for a second chance. But no was the answer. Once is enough. So she broke free from the cage. Shattering Diamonds into dust. He still haunts her with profanity but soon he left the island. He left with no respect from her. A man with an ego higher than Mt Everest is best left to be with himself.

With Jack Diamonds off the deck, she was free again. A few years passed by. Along came the King of Hearts. This time being more assured of what she want she took more than a year to hold on to that card. With the King of Hearts around, she’d managed to grow a lot. She walked out of her ‘safe’ circle. Doing things which she never had thought she’ll do and experiencing the best feelings in her life. Every good and bad memory with the King of Hearts was cherished and treasured for he was her strength, her guide and best companion. But eventually she had to let go of the King of Hearts as he asked for it. She knew she couldn’t hold on to that card so she let it go.

Within a couple of weeks, she was back to having the time of her life. A couple of years later the dealer then brings in another card. She knew that card is not for her. That card is the one which we usually pick out before a game. Yes, it is the Joker. From the beginning she already made up her mind that the Joker is not her cue. Despite the dealer left the card there for her, she never gave it a second glance. Why? It’s because the Joker is not her choice of card. To compare the Joker with the King of Hearts will be unfair. Yet having been with King of Hearts, now she knows what card she wants. To be realistic, she may not have the she wants but an Ace of Spades or Ace of Hearts would be better than the Joker.

She tried pushing the Joker back to the dealer but it tends to come back to her no matter what. First attempt bounced back. Second attempt came right back into her face. Running out of ideas she made the third and final attempt. The final attempt made the Joker saw that she will not pick up that card no matter what. She might have cause a cut on the Joker however he was not torn. But she’d made her it very clear that he is never going to be the King of Hearts. Neither will he be the Ace of Spades nor Ace of Hearts.

And now the dealer is fiddling with another card. Whether the card is an Ace of Spades or Ace of Hearts, only the dealer knows. For the time being she is holding on to her own card.

What do you think is the card that she is holding?

And the dreamer dreams again.....

It was already 12am when she looked at the time showed on her computer screen. Yet she didn't want to get her much needed rest. She was too busy chatting away with Mariposa and how 'nyanyuk' (absent-minded) people can become. Somehow in between conversation she felt herself floating. She felt that her mind was cluttered but did not know what was occupying the space. She couldn't take it anymore and went off to bed. Within seconds, she was out and off to dreamland.....

Suddenly, she felt her chest tighten. She thought it would be painful but it wasn't. So near to suffocation but still breathing. Was it real or was it a dream? She couldn't recall. It was vivid yet she couldn't tell if it's real or not.

Despite the late night, she woke up to the sound of the shop assistant's voice. It was already 9am. Ah well.. she needs to get her favourite pair of heels to the cobbler. The morning market was full of life. From the corner coffee shops down to the road, there're chatters and laughter of the morning market goers. She walked down of the packed lane. Greeting some of the proprietors as she go along her way. Having stayed in that area for almost all her life, most of the seller in the market had known her since she was 5. So it's a way of courtesy to acknowledge them eventhough she has got nothing to buy from them. She squeezed her way into more stalls. Taking her time to study the stalls and see what they are selling. Then she went for the cobbler to get the studs on her shoe changed. There she met Uncle John, her dad's friend. He was waiting patiently as his wife does her shopping in the market. There is always a chance to see Uncle John sitting under the huge umbrella reading his papers or chattering away with the cobbler. After getting her shoes fixed, she made her way home.....



It was 4pm. She was getting ready to go out with her friends. Wanted to catch a movie after dinner but the tickets were sold out. So, they headed off to the beach area. Found a spot and went for a drink there. After being alcohol deprived for a few months she ordered a glass of Love Potion which comprises of vodka, orange and grapefruit juice. First sip, arrgghh...bitter..but who cares.. They talked the hours away... by the time the dreamer had finished her drink, she was all rosy cheeks. Just one glass and she'd gone from pink to red... she could feel her ears burning and her heart palpitating. Luckily it wasn't the heart clenching feeling she had the night before. She knows she'll have a good sleep that night. After reading a quarter of the day's newspaper, she fell into a deep deep sleep.....



There they were. He was standing there waiting for her. She was busy picking out the clothes she wanted to try on. He was so happy to help her choose. Totally different from what the dreamer had heard of. From the front of the shop she moved swiftly to the back taking down everything that she wanted. The dreamer stood there watching them. She felt a tinge of jealousy inside her. But she knows she wouldn't walk between those two people. She had her own principle. Never to walk in between two people who are together. They have the right to be together and it's not point being the one in the middle or even worst the outsider who tried to take what's not hers. She walked into the shop. And she noticed her. When the other girl was in the fitting room, he walked slowly towards her. Following every step she take. And then she took off... leaving them... Next moment, she was running up a flight of stairs and he stopped her. He said he needed help to call up a friend of the dreamer to change the plans regarding the company's meeting with some counterpants from China. The dreamer looked at him blankly and said she couldn't help him. And she left him alone there.


Next moment she was at the beach with some youths. They were trying to start a fire at the beach after the downpour. The papers were wet, so are the wood....one by one the matchsticks where used to flick a fire...but to no avail.. all attempts failed.. then it was time to go and the dreamer together with the youths walked away from the beach.


She woke up. It was the longest sleep she has had for so long. Probably it's because of the alcohol...but the dream she had left her puzzled....

Salty, Sour, Sweet & Bitter.....

The sun, the sand and the seawater....it all started there.... just like any other events I had thought the people I meet there will stay there till we meet again ..maybe next year. Yet if life can be so predictable... everyone would be a philosopher and there wouldn't be so much uncertainties.....

And so uncertainties starts to set in.... from the salty waters things got a little sour. Some people can have shallow minds. Thinking that hearts and feelings can change within 2 days. Just a slight distance and the string is pull back. Yet the string isn't tied to me.. I never allowed the string to be put around me.. not without my consent. And so, like the boat that wasn't tied to the pier, I floated a little further. Then I realised...the string was being pulled back slowly. Until one point, I let the wave take me away. A stronger wave had lead me further to the ocean....

I thought the 'till-we-meet-again' encounter in the Island ends on the Island itself. However, I was wrong. We met again. And this time in my island itself. Again, I never give much thought to this meeting thinking that it'll be over until we met YET again. Second time wrong. Who would have thought that this meeting is going to lead to something else. It was instant. Too fast...a little too furious and challenging. Within a few hours of meeting up, drops of honey were poured over me... I was somehow drenched but not enough to drown me. It felt good. Not because it's from someone whom I never expect, but it was from someone which I had a slight interest in.

With sweetness around, everything seems so beautiful and wonderful. Amid all the sweetness, I was cautiously watching my steps. Taking care not to step into any traps and also not to trigger any suspicion from the one who holds the string. I had my time sitting by the beach sipping a fruit punch and watching the stars at night, had my days trying out cuisines at the new concept restaurant in town, had my time with my colleague best bud, spent my time going through a lazy saturday afternoon, shared my heart n soul to those closest to me and not to forget my current fav sport, SHOPPING!!! Almost all were done without the knowledge of the string holder.

Life isn't all about sweetness... bitter soon sets in as the sweetness goes away. But it's not that bitter...just a soury feeling. I decided to put my foot into the water and test the temperature. Oh dear...to my surprise, the water is still warm.. and to my surprised I was given a box of bitter sweet candies. I am still wondering why was I given that box of bitter sweet candies? I never asked for it and neither do I want it. I know that the box of candies contains nothing that I want and would eventually be thrown away. Looks like I'd have to keep on adding ICE into the water to cool things off which would then freeze. Life can be harsh but TRUTH can me much more hurtful than being stabbed.

At the moment, I am taking in all these life uncertainties one step at a time. Not forgetting to stay grounded from all the sweetness. Also to stay as sane from the salty water, the sour plum and bitter chocolates... Decided to keep on adding ICE into the water because I know that the water would get warmer by the days if I do not do so....

Mariposa, you should understand every single word of them.. :)

Birthday 2008

12th June 2008 – I celebrated my 24th birthday. Since I was working on that day, we all went out for lunch in one of the local shops. It was all good and everyone was enjoying their meal. Later in the afternoon, I was presented a birthday cake in the office itself. And so we all had out late tea to the serving of lemon cheese cake… yummy yummy…thanks to my colleague, the yummy-licious cake captured and posted here for my dear readers to appreciate…..

14th June 2008 – I had a post birthday dinner party at none other than Fisherman’s Grill Restaurant as a treat to almost all of my close friends… some of which I’ve known since primary school… On the 9th I sent e-cards and sms to those selected few and waited for their reply. To my surprise, everyone responded so fast. By night, I’ve already got their replies and made reservations for the dinner on Saturday.

10th June 2008 – I send a confirmation e-card to every guest of the time and venue and dress code as well… Yes dress code…restricted everyone from wearing black.. Then I started planning on the seating positions. I wanted to give them something to bring back after the dinner, so I asked my friend and darling cousin of what would be best. In the end I decided on making place cards with a personal note in each and everyone of them. From then on, I started thinking of how I wanted my cards to be. Can’t really make up my mind on the design until the very last minute.

So by 6.30pm on 14th June 2008, I finally got all my place cards ready with their notes inside. Didn’t have time to take pictures of each and every one of them as I was rushing and the camera had been hijacked by my brother for a family dinner which I missed (intentionally). Just to let you know, every card has got different covers. The only thing that is similar is the envelopes which I love so much.

I was running late for dinner which I’ve initially planned to be held at 7.00pm. Luckily no one arrived yet except for my college friend. And so I rushed in and place all the cards on the table. When my guests walked in, they see where they are supposed to be seated.

Moments before the final quests arrive, I’ve make sure everyone had made their orders for the night. After everyone has arrived, and all the introduction have been made, we all sat down and talked. Probably the noisiest crowd in the place. It was really nice to see that everyone blending well with each other. I said so because most of my guests consist of people if met at different stage of my life. Seeing them so busy talking makes me so happy.

Just then the food was served…. Hmm…simply delicious… Had a 4 course meal with Creamy Mushroom Soup for appetizer, followed by main course of our choice from a selection of fish, chicken, steak or lamb. The main course came with a combination of Nyonya Panggang Prawns (lightly grilled prawns with nyonya sambal paste). I think the main course itself was sumptious. Then it was dessert which is Tapai Ice Cream..not bad.. This delicious meal was accompanied by a punch called Lemon Twist which is oh so soury and I bet you can do the twist after drinking it. Just as I thought the meal was done, I was surprised with a cake!!! Ahh…second serving of dessert. It’s sort of a punishment to me for being late… (Hmm…didn’t know punishment can come in surprise packages) . Then the party adjourned….

Well the fun didn’t end there. The few of us who’d went in the same car caught sight of a building which was lighted in multicoloured LEDs (if I’m not mistaken). So the driver of the day decides to take us all to have a look at the building… Off we went to the market near Sunshine Square… It is there that the craziness came out. We just couldn’t help being vain and started snapping pictures with the official camera for the day..Janice’s Canon (Powershot??)

Then we had a tour to the factory sites and decides to call it a day.
To those who’d made the dinner possible, thank you very much for coming. And thanks to my uncle Meng, and all the staff at Fisherman’s Grill for their kind hospitality.. Of course, thanks for all the wishes and the gifts….. hehehe….a girl just couldn’t resists presents and surprises…. The week itself was simply amazing… love u all!!!

Bolehkah dilemma ini diselesaikan?

Seperti yang anda telah baca dalam paparan blog yang lalu, telah saya menceritakan tentang seseorang yang mempunyai perasaan terhadap saya. Namun, apa yang dirasakan oleh kami berdua adalah berbeza sama sekali. Selaku seorang yang lebih rela berterus-terang, saya telah mengumpulkan segala keberanian yang mampu dikumpulkan dan menerangkan kepada seseorang itu bahawa kami hanya dapat menjadi kawan. Selebih-lebihnya pun setakat kawan baik atau bagaikan abang dan adik. Tetapi setelah beberapa minggu serta selepas WLC'08, saya berasa yang seseorang itu masih tidak memahami maksud saya. Pada mulanya memang ada rasa kesal kerana mengajak seseorang itu menyertai WLC tetapi saya telah mengabaikan kekesalan itu.

Kadang kala saya tertanya sama ada seseorang itu memahami maksud saya. Atau dia sengaja tidak mahu memahami apa yang telah saya jelaskan. Ataupun seseorang itu masih menyimpan harapan yang keajaiban akan berlaku? Adakah begitu susah untuk menerima kenyataan yang hubungan ini tidak akan berkembang menjadi satu cerita dongeng seperti yang sering kita lihat di kaca tv. Kadang kala kenyataan adalah susah diterima, tetapi kita mesti menerimanya dengan hati terbuka.

Mungkin anda akan tertanya-tanya mengapa saya tidak memberi peluang kepada seseorang itu dan cuba menerimanya. Wahai para pembaca, saya telah mengemukakan penjelasan saya dalam paparan blog bertarikh 16 March 2008. Selain itu, WLC'08 telah meyakinkan saya yang kami memang tidak akan mempunyai kesudahan yang baik jika kami bersama. Bukan sahaja penhujungnya, tetapi... saya lebih jelas dengan apa yang saya mahukan dan tidak terfikir dalam otak kompleks ini yang saya akan bersamanya. Terdapat jurang berbezaan yang teramat luas diantara kami yang tidak dapat saya jelaskan.

Satu tindakannya telah membuka mata saya tentang keadaan dilemma ini. Setelah kami pulang dari WLC saya ditanya satu soalan yang memberitahu saya yang dilemma ini masih belum diselesaikan. Seseorang itu telah bertanya sama ada dia telah melakukan apa-apa kesilapan. Soalan itu memang mengejutkan saya. Dia berasa yang saya telah mengabaikannya. Terkejut? Memang terkejut. Anda mungkin tertanya-tanya bagaimana saya hendak menyelesaikan masalah ini. Well...saya masih memikirkan jalan keluar.

Sejak kebelakangan ini, saya memang dengan tidak sengaja tidak mengendahkannya. Tapi tidak tahu sama ada seseorang itu perasan atau tidak. Saya juga tidak perasan pada mulanya sehingga kawan saya mengemukakan kemungkinan itu. Sehingga kini saya hanya terfikir dua jalan penyelesaian. Tetapi sesuatu mesti dikorbankan untuk menyelesaikan dilemma ini. Saya tidak akan menyatakan jalan penyelesaian disini. Biarlah anda fikir sendiri apa yang patut dilakukan. Mungkin anda boleh memberi sedikit nasihat dan pendapat yang anda fikir boleh membantu dalam situasi ini.

Sekian terima kasih